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If your idea of a film is Barbie doll girls in skin tight outfits dancing on a bar, then Coyote Ugly is a must-see for you. Sad to say it, but there's more plot in your average rock video, of which Coyote Ugly never progresses far beyond. What's most annoying is the wasted opportunity to deliver more, with first-time director David McNally (Kangaroo Jack) showing flashes of talent, and Piper Perabo (The Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle, Slap Her She's French) giving a decent performance despite the shallowness of the part.

The plot? HAHAHAHA!! Why bother with a plot when you have babes?! Well, that must have been said at the screenplay development stage for this film, because if there is a plot, it's the typical dumb-ass Hollywood kind; a small-town girl goes to the big city to find stardom, but can't get it through the normal avenues, finally getting it though compromising all of her values. In this case, Piper lands a job in a bar where the bartenders are all lookers who dance and prance for their all-male audience.

So much of this film makes no sense whatsoever that even trying to figure out any character's motivation would prove a waste of time. Why would a bar become the most popular in town just because of tight clothes and sexy dancing when there are strip joints all over the city that show more? How does the owner of Coyote Ugly find the time or crew to pick up the place after each evening? How does the place even turn a profit when 95% of its patrons aren't even drinking? Why would a lame rendition of "One Way or Another" by Perabo stop a barroom brawl? What could Piper possibly see in the Australian guy? How could such cheesy music be considered good by ANYBODY?!?

Two words answer all of these questions: Jerry Bruckheimer. Yes, my friends, it's the producer I love to hate and Coyote Ugly ranks among his very worst productions -- and that says volumes. There is absolutely no reason this film needed to be made, and unless you're a teenage boy who can't get his hands on some porn, there is even less reason to watch this putrid piece of abominable dreck. Coyote Ugly is strictly for those who think "Baywatch" was one of the finest TV shows of the 90s.

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